The Circle of Life

What was one of the first things you did after you were born?

Still Thinking?

Ok, I realize it's hard to remember that far back. I can't even remember what I had for dinner last night. Fortunately for you, I do know that one of your firsts was riding in a car. That's right, your parents had to get you home from the hospital some how, and since you were almost 10 pounds, the Priority Mail rates on you would have been ridiculous.

You took your righful place in the middle of the backseat, while Dad is driving about 2 miles an hour with a kung-fu grip on 10 & 2, and Mom is dreaming of a Tanqueray & Tonic taller than Manute Bol.

If you're lucky, in a couple of years you will have a little brother or sister. The only good thing to result from this will be a window seat. That's right George Jefferson, you are moving on up! You have been waiting for this day for a long time. Finally, you will be able to play with those buttons and make faces at the passing drivers. Of course, none of the other drivers will notice you, because they will be busy texting.

It's now 10 years later, and you are ready to take the next big step. That's right, you're riding shotgun now bitch! It's overwhelming at first; a much better view of the road, a new seatbelt (with extra protection!), and the Holy Grail that is having control of the radio. The front seat also comes with a new sense of unearned power, which allows you to be a dick to younger brothers and sisters who are still wasting away in the backseat. Now that you've ridden in the front, you refuse to ever let yourself return to that black hole with no leg room.

A few more years pass, and you suddenly find yourself about to take your rightful throne behind the wheel. You are officially now the man! More kids at school are pretending to like you, girls will actually talk to you, and an occasional trip to the backseat is well worth it. You feel accomplished and know that life is only going to get better from here.

The next thing you know, you're pushing 40, and stuck in traffic on your way to your mother-in-law's in Delaware for Thanksgiving. Besides cursing the day you were born, and wondering when your wife will finally shut up, it is with great jealousy in your eyes that you sneak a peak at your newborn son sleeping in the back seat and two thoughts come to mind: "What I wouldn't give to be back there" and "Why does he look so much like my wife's boss?"